There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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