You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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