im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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