whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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