if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
