OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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