I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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