pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
