Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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