My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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