Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
