I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
