so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
