Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
