If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
