WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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