oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
