It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
