i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
