i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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