He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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