you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
