after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you never un-have a 4some
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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