I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
