they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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