Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
honey bunches of taint.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
