thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
