u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
