i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
