I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
