remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
