I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
time to smoke my breakfast
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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