I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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