i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
