his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
