Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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