its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
