you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
