wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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