I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
