I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
