We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
