I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
