you guys were way drunker than both of me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
