so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
