God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
