I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
