You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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