Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
