Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
