Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
