we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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